Social Media's "Ideal Customer Profile" is Not Who You Want to Be

How I use Social Media without turning into a horrible person

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I’m on it. I use it. I consume it. But I hate it. I hate what it does to me. I hate what it’s doing to children. To society.

But it’s free. It lets me express myself. It lets me market things. Share my ideas. I learn things from it. Make money off it. I meet interesting people.

So I love and hate it at the same time.

As an Octopus person trying to earn a living from up to 8 completely different things, I need social media to promote what I’m doing. So the big question is, how can I be on it, without giving in to all the horrible parts of it?

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I started thinking about who social media works best for. I figure if I know who social media platforms are intended for, it might help me use it more effectively, because I’ll know how the algorithms “think”. But the results scared me.

Have you heard the phrase “Ideal Customer Profile” or “ICP”? Marketers use this term to describe their perfect target customer. The person they just love to have use their product. The best, most loyal, most profitable, most engaged person who is also most likely to recommend the product to others. In other words, their “power users”.

After identifying an ICP, it would then make sense that social media platforms design their technology to cater to this ideal customer, because they want that customer to make maximum use of the platform.

So who exactly is the ICP for social media? I’ve never worked at a social media company, but as a user, I do see who seems to “succeed” the most, in other words, who gets the most comments, likes, follows, etc. And I don’t like what I’m seeing.

If I had to characterize the Social Media Ideal Customer Profile, it might look something like this:

Whoa whoa whoa, wait just a minute! Come on, social media companies don’t “target” these people, no social media company has a marketing plan that says, “Go after addicts”.

But humor me for a minute, let’s think this through. If I was a social media company:

• I'd love to have addicts on my platform because that means they’ll use it constantly and not be able to stop.

• I’d love narcissists because they post lots of selfies and crave the constant adulation of others.

• I’d love workaholics because not only will they post constantly, they will establish themselves as “gurus” and teach others to use social media more if they want to “succeed” in life.

• I’d love people with no self control because they won’t be able to stop scrolling.

• I’d love people with FOMO because they’ll keep living vicariously through other people doing interesting things, instead of doing those things themselves.

• I’d love people who are jealous because they won’t be able to stop comparing themselves to others.

• I’d love argumentative people because they can’t help but engage in endless fights, generating lots of platform activity.

• I’d love people with Us vs Them mentality because conflict is drama and drama gets views.

• I’d love people who are depressed because depressed people stay home and turn to their phones instead of going out and engaging with the world.

• I’d love lonely people because they will use social media as a replacement for real relationships.

I could add more to this list, but you get the point.

Why think about social media users in such a terribly negative way? I didn’t set out to do this, but making this list has had a strangely awesome and positive effect on me. I’ve tried the “screen time limiters” and other tips and tricks to reduce my social media usage. But nothing has helped me more than pondering this list.

Why? Because this list reminds me that if I use these platforms constantly, I will likely start exhibiting the traits in this list, as the platforms are uniquely designed to support people with these traits, and I don’t want to be that kind of person. I look at the list, and ask myself “Is this who I want to become?” It has been a uniquely powerful deterrent to alter how I use social media.

Psychologically, emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally healthy people do not need social media because their lives are full of other, better things that are proven to improve happiness, meaning, health, and purpose in life.

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So what to do? How can I participate in social media to promote my work without turning into a miserable person exhibiting these unhealthy traits? How can I “show up” on these platforms without selling my soul?

I’ve come up with 10 principles that have helped, I call them my “Sane Social” principles:

If you want to copy/paste this list:

1. Post only when I feel like it, not on a schedule

2. Act like a real person

3. Never post just for engagement

4. Ignore vanity metrics

5. Ignore the algorithm

6. Ignore online marketing guru advice

7. Never ask for likes or follows

8. Don’t argue with strangers

9. Reply to all friendly comments

10. Strive for friendships not fame

I don’t do these perfectly. Just this past week I argued with a stranger and regretted it. But so far this strategy has largely helped me avoid mindless scrolling, and be more thoughtful about what I’m doing. And people have been responding in kind. I’m pleasantly surprised at the quality of comments I get, and how many people seem to be resonating with what I’m doing, even with relatively few posts.

It feels like one of those “reciprocal” principles where if you put what you want into the world, the world will reply in the same spirit.

How about you? How are you using social media while maintaining your sanity?

Until next time,

Dave